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How Do You Conquer Your Fears

It is Never Too Late to Conquer your Fears

What is your biggest fear? For me it was getting on a flight for thirty two years. For an entire thirty two years, I had aerophobia, the fear of flying. Not a fear of public speaking. How fascinating?

In 2012, I applied for a new passport because I wanted to fly to Barcelona for my first holiday abroad. This would definitely help me to conquer my fear of flying. I triumphantly conquered my thirty two year aerophobia and saw the stunning beauty of Barcelona in September 2012.

How on earth did I get aerophobia? Let me take you back to 5th August 1980. I was flying for my first time from Hong Kong to London. This was around thirteen hours. I have always had travel sickness as a child. I would be dizzy and vomit on long bus journeys in Hong Kong.

During this long haul flight, I vomited twice and my mum denied me of my in flight meals. Oh my goodness! I was absolutely starving by the time we landed safely in London. Anyone who knows me well, I live for my food!

To celebrate this gargantuan goal of mine, I delivered the following speech at my Toastmasters Club Clyde Communicators, Glasgow on Tuesday 8th September 2020 as my participation in our annual Humourous Speech Contest.

For those of you who don’t know what Toastmasters is, it is a global non profit organisation for their members to practice, develop and master the art of public speaking.

I didn’t win the Humourous Speech Contest. However, I certainly had a blast delivering the following speech because I always enjoy my “Stage Time” at Toastmasters.

I am sharing my story with you because action eliminates your fears. Nothing eliminates your fears until you take action. I lost my fear of flying on my Ryanair Flight to Barcelona because I took action and faced my thirty two year aerophobia. If I allowed my aerophobia to hold me back from seeing what stunning beauty this world has to offer my human eyes, I would still be living in fear of flying.

You can conquer your fears, just like I did. A thousand mile journey begins with one single step. That was what I did to conquer my thirty two year old aerophobia. I put one step in front of the other and boarded my Ryanair Flight to Barcelona, exactly eight years ago this month.

I hope you enjoy reading the speech I delivered at my Toastmasters Club to celebrate one of my biggest goals, as much as I enjoyed creating it and then sharing it with my fellow Toastmasters. Happy reading!

From Aerophobia to Super Hyper Excitement

Some people go on diets to lose weight. Some of you go to Toastmasters to lose the fear of public speaking. Yours truly goes on a flight to lose her thirty two year old aerophobia, the fear of flying.

Fellow passengers, if you are wondering why I had a thirty two year old aerophobia, you must have blinked and missed my story. I was subconsciously scared and anxious of flying when I was due to fly to Barcelona in September 2012. So scared and anxious that I subconsciously did something extremely naughty.

My shadow side left my passport at home so I would not have to fly and face my aerophobia. That was a freakish nightmare on Union Street. The inner conflict between my wanting to fly and fear of flying was dramatic and intense.  As Glaswegians would say: USE A GLASGWEGIAN ACCENT  “It was a pure riot!”

Thankfully I had a superhero, who didn’t wear a cape save my life. My big brother brought my passport to me in a taxi whilst I waited for him AND my driver who would drive four of us to Prestwick Airport.

My Superhero made it to Union Street’s Central Station to hand me my passport with little time to spare. Then my driver and the four of us headed straight to Prestwick Airport for our Ryanair flight to Barcelona.

I chose Barcelona because it’s a short 3 to 4 hours flight. Easy peasy I thought. How difficult would that be? How wrong was I?

With Carlo on my left and Diana on my right, I felt safe and secure. Our flight took off safely and I was feeling excited to finally fly abroad for the first time as an adult. Then something dreadfully frightening happened. I felt the aircraft tilt as we were gaining altitude. 90 degrees. ARRGGGHHHH……Next,  I felt like it had tilted to 180 degrees and I was dangling upside down.

I immediately grabbed onto Carlo on my left and Diana on my right. My fingernails dugged deeply into their naked skin because they were both wearing short sleeves. “Are you scared Kit?” asked Diana. I managed to chirp “Oh I was just wondering why we were flying at such a sharp tilt, that’s all!”

 At this point I was experiencing what some of you would feel with public speaking. Sick to the stomach. I used every ounce of my emotional grit to keep myself as calm and collected as possible whilst still holding onto Carlo on my left and Diana on my right. They protected me like mum and dad would when their daughter was scared. I felt safe and secure again. Ahhhh bliss!

Fast forward to almost the end of this flight and I looked out to the window on my right. I saw a beautiful sandy beach and buildings that I had never set eyes on, until now.

My shadow side was excited, enthusiastic and exuberant by now because she and I had both lost our aerophobia. This is a garganguan red flag.

Those of you who know me well, will know that when I am in such an excited state, I am the opposite of a two year old throwing a tantrum. Have you ever noticed when we were at Jury’s Inn for our meetings, I would always without fail, take an aisle seat, at the front of the room?

This was so that I could stretch my arms and legs out without disturbing any members. Well, I need an outlet for my excitement at ALL times. Throw my arms into the air conveying my hyper excitement.

This particular episode of super hyper excitement was a clear indicator that I had finally lost my 32 year old aerophobia. I was more than ready to explore Barcelona and beyond. Woo hoo! Throw my arms into the air again!

Run Barcelona!  Kit has landed and you are all going to suffer from her super hyper excitement. Suffer they did. Well……..one particular woman did. Diana who had been to Barcelona the previous year, was our tour guide. She took us on a topless double decker bus, I mean a roofless double decker bus.

I was super hyper excited to be touring around Barcelona, soaking up the stunning beauty of this Spanish city. I was screaming and shouting whilst “talking” to Carlo and Diana on the upper deck. A woman was highly annoyed with my excitement. She shouted at me  “Will you SHUT UP YOU ARE SO NOISY!” Ooops…..as Glaswegians would say “That’s me telt!”

With a new lease of life from losing my 32 year old aerophobia, I felt alive. When I landed back in Glasgow, the super hyper excited me was ready for my next flying adventure.  This will be exposed at Clyde’s next Humourous Speech Contest so be sure to reserve your VIP seat for Flight EK25 to Down under Sydney. From Aerophobia to Super Hyper Excitement is to be continued.

How to Build Your Confidence in Public Speaking by Kit Yee Cheng, Clyde Communicators, Toastmasters International

Glossophobia, the fear of public speaking, is often associated with the uncertainties that come from speaking in front of an audience; you are uncertain if you’ll dry up, or forget your words, or trip as you walk onto the stage. You’re uncertain that the audience will listen and enjoy your speech, or that they’ll jeer at you and boo until you leave. You’re uncertain you can deliver what has been asked of you without breaking out in a sweat, vomiting or running out of the room. It is the uncertainties that creates the fear – and therefore tackling the uncertainties is the key to breaking the fear and build your confidence as a public speaker.

Here are my thirteen tips to help you tackle the uncertainites and become a confident public speaker:

  1. Talk to strangers. Practice your communication skills with strangers. You will never see these people again so making the mistakes helps to build your confidence. When you can talk to strangers about anything, anytime and anywhere, you have mastered the art of impromptu speaking. Impromptu speaking is the key to ALL of your communication.
  2. Laugh at yourself. Use self depreciating humour. Seriousness attracts serious circumstances. Watch comedy movies or TV shows and have a great laugh. This helps to lighten up your mood and brings more joy into your life. Happiness is one of the vital ingredients to building up your confidence.
  3. Gain experiences. The more experiences you gain, the tougher you become. This strengthens and builds up your confidence. Learn new skills, meet new people, do something new as often as possible. Set new goals, however small and work towards achieving them. Challenge yourself to step out of your comfort zone because you will never grow there.
  4. Exercise as often as you possibly can. This is a timeless classic for tackling fears. Even a ten-minute walk can do wonders for your mood and lifts energy. Exercise has been proven to release the feel-good chemical called endorphins throughout your body. This strengthens your self-esteem and reduces your anxiety.
  5. Practice yoga daily. The ancient art of yoga helps you to focus on the present moment which is essential to your mindfulness. You are anxious about public speaking because you are projecting yourself into the future. Yoga increases: body awareness, relieves stress, reduces muscle tension, strain and inflammation, sharpens attention and concentration, plus yoga calms and centres the nervous system. Yoga improves your mental health and well being.
  6. Practice meditation daily. Like yoga, meditation improves your mental health. It helps you to: better handle your negative emotions, helping you to feel relaxed and calm, find your inner peace and helps you to feel comfortable with silence and stillness.
  7. Practice gratitude. Write in your gratitude journal every day. This is a sound tool to use to shift your focus onto the happy and good things in your life. Gratitude helps you to release envy, jealousy, anger, resentment and mild depression. You will attract more of what you want into your life when you practice daily gratitude.
  8. Have fun each day. A day without fun is a day wasted. Connect with your inner child. Be childlike and playful. Having fun is one of the key ingredients to your health and well being. People who have fun compared to those who don’t, are more positive minded. Smile, laugh, crack a joke, be silly and have fun. Connecting with your inner child helps you to face your fears because your inner child is the fear – less one. She will help you through the toughest times when you are connected to her.
  9. Have one day, or half a day a week switched off from social media and the internet. No Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, Instagram or the news. Connect with nature. Go for a walk in the park. Listen to the birds chirping and singing. Talk to dog owners. Talk to babies and toddlers. Face to face interactions with strangers in the park is a tremendous way to get the human connections that you are going to benefit from. You could just sit in the park, watch people go by, soak up nature or read a book.
  10. Travel to a new place as often as possible. Get on the bus or train and go explore around your area. You have feet for this specific reason. The uncertainties in life becomes much easier to handle when you travel to new places. Being in a new place helps you to: expand your horizons, sets your soul on fire, heightens your senses and become alive. Whilst you are at home, you are by default living in your auto pilot. Getting out of your auto pilot system gives you opportunities to see the world from a different perspective. The world has an abundance of beauty so go and see it for yourself.
  11. Embrace the uncertainties. Life is full of uncertainties because life is unpredictable. Let go of having to have control in every aspect of your life. Become more spontaneous. Welcome the uncertainties and see where they take you. Cut the cord to the need to have control of your life twenty-four, seven.
  12. Join your local Toastmasters club. Toastmasters has clubs all over the world. Our clubs offer a supportive, encouraging and safe environment for our members to develop and master their public speaking skills. Speak to the President or Vice President of Education of the club and ask them to assign you to a mentor. A mentor is there to offer their guidance, support and knowledge of what they have learned from their journey. They have been where you are travelling to.
  13. Read books on public speaking. Knowledge of public speaking is your friend. You will gain confidence from the knowledge of the do’s and don’ts. I have found gems in reading books on public speaking. The valuable information in books on public speaking has helped me to soar in my communication, speeches and presentations.